Truthful Thursday

Thirsty Thursday will return next week I promise, I just felt this week should be a little truthful. I struggle with consistency in my life, and it’s not from a lack of desire but more from I don’t know how I will feel from day to day. The 2 weeks before this one I felt good and had everything in order and ready, feeling like a rockstar with my shit together.

This week, I’m shitting the bed and I could give a thousand excuses and I’m sure someone would say well Sarah, those are excuses and maybe some of them are but the truth is I’m burnt out. My pain levels this week have been hard to manage, I’m finding it hard to smile and be joyous, and I’m exhausted all day. I’m bitchy and sad and on days like these I’m even mad. Mad I have this disease, mad I’m having trouble doing basic normal things like lifting my arms up to wash my hair, walking to my bed, and so on. I struggle with thoughts so my filter from brain to mouth is gone and I can be sarcastic and hurtful with my words because I’m just plain dang tired of being courteous. It’s a lot but I’m trying to be more present and push to be creative and authentic in my life and my words and my actions, so I thought today I would share some truths about myself.

I hate being told No or that I can’t do something. I think it’s partly because of childhood trauma and partly because I find it a challenge then like I will prove I can and not to shove it in your face but to myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to doing.

I don’t watch reality tv. I find most of them extremely cringy. I’ll even mute the commercials because I can’t listen to it. I can sit through deadliest catch or gold rush or even home reno shows, but I don’t consider those lumped in with the other ones.

I grew up with a pathological liar. You’d figure I’d be good at it, but I’m not. I’m a horrible liar, and I refuse to have people in my life who lie to me. I have walked away from many friendships and relationships due to dishonesty. I won’t have it and I don’t accept it. Anything I say about you when you’re not around, I can say to your face. I am an asshole at times, but I’m an honest asshole.

I can’t take compliments well, I use sarcasm to deflect, and I hate the words “I’m sorry” when directed at me.

I don’t like oysters, squids, muscles, or anything slimy in texture. Can’t do it grosses me out. I also won’t eat lamb or veal cutlets simply because they are baby animals.

I hate when people are late or say they’ll do something and don’t. I show up on time, and if I can’t for some reason make it, you are made aware in advance, not right before or after the fact.

I used to volunteer to teach business and finance classes to kids at various schools in my area. It was rewarding, challenging, and fun. A student baked me a cake one session with thank you written on it and it was amazing and yes I teared up.

One last I don’t like, and I’ll shut up. I don’t like feeling weak, so I have trouble asking for help. I have been getting better since my diagnosis, but I still tend to overdo things and pay for it later.

There I’ve said a lot today and shared a lot about myself, I even got through most of it without making a self-deprecating joke about myself. I’ll take the win and call it progress. If you liked truthful Thursday let me know in the comments or shoot me a message. Confessions with Magnolia will be starting up shortly where we can share our confessions based on topics voted for by you. As usual please like, share, comment, and sign up with your email so you’ll get the first look at all events and posts that go live. Till next time.

Love, a burnt out yet still kicking, Magnolia xx